Reality sets in

So reality has started to really sink in. In a few short weeks I will be gone from the box for an extended period of time to have surgery on my hands. I have been worried about leaving and losing all that I've gained but tonight I realized how little I might be able to do while I'm gone. My knees have been hurting a lot today but I have been trying to ignore it. I couldn't really ignore the pain in my right knee as I tried to run about ten steps of the warm up. I came back inside and rowed but I was already upset. I knew the WOD wasn't going to be any better with my knees. I had looked at the WOD last night and I knew there were some things that I wouldn't be able to do like the hand stand push ups and the double unders. I knew I would probably just do regular push ups and jump up and down. That would have been fine except when I tried to jump my knee started hurting again. At that point I wasn't really sure what I was going to do. I asked Morgan and we decided I could row 200m in place of the jumping. I started out ok and did my push ups and knees to bar, but as I started the first round of rowing I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Not because I was in any kind of pain but I was just so mad that there wasn't one part of this workout that I could do completely. I held back the tears long enough to finish my five rounds. I could hear Morgan telling me I was doing a good job the entire time. She looked over at me at the end and asked if I was done. I had been done for about a minute or so and had just started putting the rower back up instead of looking at the clock.  The WOD was for time but I wasn't really interested in my time tonight because I didn't even do the regular WOD. When she told me about what time I probably finished in I just shrugged at her. She could tell I was upset. At that point I knew I was about to lose it, so I walked into the bathroom and just started crying. I've felt like I was going to cry during a WOD before but I've never actually done it. I have been frustrated with my knees because I haven't even been able to really squat lately. All that keeps going through my mind is that I'm about to leave for several weeks and the only thing I'll really be able to do is my lower body. So if it hurts to run or squat, what am I going to do?  It isn't like I will even be near the box because I will be in Houston!  When I came back where everyone was Morgan asked if I was ok and then assured me that I would be ok. It was kind of weird because she knew exactly what I was thinking. Tonight was a frustrating night but I'm not quitting. I've come too far. Tomorrow might be better, or it might be just as frustrating. I just have to remind myself that even if I can't do the regular workout that I'm doing a lot more than I have done in a very long time and that I have come a long way!