Thoughts and reflections

So I finished my first month in Crossfit and I feel better than I have in years!  I haven't lost that much weight (yeah I have gotten on the scales because I can't help myself) and I'm not even sure that I look any different. None of that really matters because I feel better about myself!  I feel like I'm "living" and not just dying one day at a time. I have had a rough road for the past five years and now it is time to claim my life back!  I started to think about this the other day because someone said something to me that I had never really thought about before. We were talking about my blog and how people have said that it inspires them. I told her that I had never been one of those people that got truly inspired by others life changing stories (at least not enough to get my butt off the couch and do something about my own life). Her next comment was what stuck with me. She said that if people knew me now they would never have thought I would be doing this or even be able to do it at all. She didn't mean it rudely (at least I don't think she did) but I think what she was saying was that people should be inspired. What I took away from the conversation was something completely different. I realized at that moment that the people who "know" me now wouldn't ever think I could do this. They didn't know me when I played sports year round and was very active. Don't get me wrong, I was never skinny, but I was in shape. The people that are around me now have encouraged me over the years but it took someone from my past to get me going. That is why God sent James back into my life at the right time to get me motivated to even try Crossfit. James knew how I used to be and I needed that one person to actually believe I could do it (even when I didn't). God also knew that I would need a place to workout like Crossfit. It is like being back on a team. I need that!  I have tried to go to several different gyms and just workout (I've even done the Zumba and TurboKick classes) but at the end of the workout or class you leave and no one really cares if you come back. At Crossfit they expect you to be back and if you miss you have people asking you why. I need that kind of accountability. And, they actually do care how you are progressing and they cheer you on as you meet your goals. So, what I took away from the conversation I had with this person was that I don't want to be exactly who I was in high school but I want to be a better version of that person. I want to want to workout for myself (instead of just for a race or game like I did in high school). I want to enjoy working out, and I can honestly say on last Thursday I did enjoy working out. I do want people to be inspired by my blog (even though I wasn't that type of person) and know that no matter what shape you are in you can do something about it. I told myself that I couldn't do anything about it for a long time, but it all happened in God's time. I can't wait to start my second month and see how I do. I know each day will be hard but the results are sooo worth it.

I finished my first month at Crossfit!

I was out yesterday with a migraine all day, so I was a little worried that I wouldn't be up for the challenge of working out today. It was my last day of month one in Crossfit, and I have to say I feel like I ended this month on a high note!  The warm up for today started by skipping 200m. Yes I said skipping, and no I haven't  done this in years!  I was good for the first 100m but my knees started hurting so I jogged the second half. I came in and did 10 body rows (the people who can do pull ups did those). I think the next part was the hardest part of the warm up. We had to do a bear crawl for 15m. That doesn't seem like that far but when you are bear crawling it seems like forever!!  We did some stretches and then started the workout. We had 10 min to get our heaviest snatch. I did 45# at my max today. I actually kind of like doing snatches, because I don't have to think about it as much. As long as I don't snatch too early I'm good. Then we did 7 minutes of 75% of our max weight (I did 35#) on the snatch and wall climbs (I did five push ups instead of wall climbs). It was one snatch and five pushups for as many times as I could do it for 7 minutes. We rested for five minutes before the last part of the workout. It was 4reps of 200m row sprints with two minutes of rest in between. I think I did pretty good on all of it!
This has been a very hard month, but it has been SOOO worth it!  I feel better every day and I'm doing things I never thought I would be able to do again!  I have been amazed at the support I get from the people at Crossfit and from all of my friends on Facebook!  I never really thought anyone would be interested in my thoughts on this blog, but there have almost been 2000 people that have viewed it since I started a few short weeks ago! Thank you!  I am so blessed!

Day 2 of week four

Today was a decent day at the workout. The bar and I were not getting along very well tonight. That said, I did run the 200 mile warm up without walking!  The strength workout was 1 clean and jerk every minute on the minute for 10 minutes. I struggled with my lifts tonight because my arms just didn't want to do high elbows. My max weight on the clean and jerk was 65#. That's not so bad. Then the workout was 21-15-9 of  power cleans and ring dips (I did push ups instead of the ring dips). I did a 45# bar for the workout. My form was still off but James and Charles were right there to help me through it. At one point I was really frustrated with myself because I know how to do the lifts. Charles was trying to help me and I could feel myself getting mad enough that I was going to cry. I took a deep breath and told myself that I could do this!  I did struggle through the rest of the lifts but I didn't quit!  I finished the workout in 6:27. I was pretty proud of myself!

First day of week four...a good day

So today was a much better day than Thursday. My attitude about the workout was better. I rested most of the weekend and told myself that today would be better. My knees were still hurting some so instead of running the 400m warm up I just power walked it. We did rounds of squats, push ups, and pull ups (body rows for me) to finish the warm up. We stretched (today the stretching felt really good). Then we did five rounds of weighted pull ups. I did as many body rows as I could in each round instead of pull ups. The workout was seven minutes of as many rounds as you could do of 10 back squats and sixty single jump ropes. I started out by just bouncing up and down sixty times but by the second round my knee was killing me. Travis told me to just do a short rest in between my reps of squats instead of the jumping. It worked!  I felt better about my squats because my knees weren't hurting from the jumping. We finished the night with five minutes of knee to bar (toes to bar if you could do it). I was really surprised because the knees to bar wasn't nearly as hard as it was last week. Now, the bar still hurts my hands, but I could tell I had gotten stronger!  It was a good night! Before,  I was letting the fact that I couldn't do things that other people were doing get to me. I know that we are all in different levels but I am too competitive sometimes. I just have to accept that there are some things that are going to take me longer to accomplish than other people. Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I was done with my body rows earlier than the people doing the weighted pull ups. When James saw that I was done he told me I should try a pull up. I promptly told him that I had tried last week and couldn't do it--even with the bands. He told me he was sure I could do one. He got the bands together, and after a couple of tries I actually did one pull up!  Yes, I used three bands to do it, but I did it!

Last day of week 3

I took some time before I wrote about today's workout. I almost didn't write about today, but I realized that my bad days are just as important as my good ones. I should have known my workout wasn't going to be the best because my attitude was all wrong!  I already thought I couldn't do part of the workout because I was too weak (I had seen that rope climbing was part of today's WOD and already convinced myself I was unable to do it).   I shouldn't have been so down on myself because I knew that there would be a modified workout that I COULD do. When we started the warm up I got frustrated because I couldn't do the jump roping (my knees hate the pounding and I am just not that coordinated), but Charles said we would just work on it a little bit every day and I would get it. We did some arm warm ups, squats with the PVC, push ups, and body rows. When I started doing the squats I couldn't believe how sore I was!  My knees hurt just standing there and squatting! We got through the warm ups, stretching, and started the real workout. The first part was rope climbing, and there was a modified workout that I could do.  Two other girls and I did 3 minutes of body rows instead of climbing the rope.  Although I could do it I was mad that something so simple was a lot more work for me today.  The next part was 100m of overhead walking lunges. I hadn't done this before but it is a regular walking lunge while you are carrying weights over your head. I had 15 pounds of weight and I was convinced I was going to make myself make it through the whole 100 m. I started out ok but before I even made it half way my knees were killing me!  Charles told me to continue without the weight, and I knew it was the right thing to do but I was pissed!  As I got closer to the end my body wanted to quit, but Charles was right there to cheer me on and tell me that I was doing great. The last part to the workout were 300 Abmat situps. I knew I could at least struggle through this because it had NOTHING to do with my knees!  As I started doing them I noticed that my back started hurting more and more. I asked Travis if I had the mat in the wrong place.  I tried several different positions but my back wouldn't stop hurting!  Travis wasn't frustrated with me at all and just said that I was probably just sore from this weeks workout. We were supposed to do toes to bar evey minute on the minute while we were doing the situps. This was modified for the few of us that couldn't do this yet and we did knees to bar. Since my back was hurting Travis said I could just do knees to bar for the rest of the workout. I was scared at first because I wasn't sure that I could actually hold onto the bar and hold my weight without falling. I finally did it and tried my best to get my knees as high as possible. I didn't think I was doing very well but Travis and Charles were there telling me I was doing good. I could only do a few at a time but I did as many as I could. When we were done I told Charles that this was my worst workout yet. He reminded me that we had done hard workouts all week and my body was just sore. To convince myself that I wasn't a complete waste today I did a few reps on the GHD machine. I think that Travis could tell how mad I was when I was leaving because he told me not to be so hard on myself. I went to watch a kick ball game around the corner from the gym and I was still really frustrated with myself. So, after the game I went back and jogged/power walked 400m (it is already measured on the road by the gym) and did a few squats. Today just made me so mad at myself!  Why did I let my body get so bad?  I have done this to myself! If I had it to do all over again I would never have put working out off until "another day". I wouldn't have been so lazy for so many years!  But, at this point I have to look at what I can do right now. I have to work hard and understand that I'm going to have frustrating days. But, these frustrating days are just part of the journey and one day I will be able to look back on them and be glad I had all the support around me and know I didn't give up!  I'm just glad I have Crossfit, because without them I would have already given up (well I probably would have never started this journey)!

Morning workout

Ok, anyone who has known me for more than 10 minutes knows that I am NOT a morning person by ANY stretch of the imagination!  But, I had to go to the morning class today because I had plans tonight. The morning class that I could go to and still get to work on time starts at 5:30!  Needless to say I wasn't very hopeful for this workout. I mean it was still dark outside when we started warming up!  We did 250m on the row machine and three rounds of 15 walking lunges, 10 kettle bell swings, and 5 pull ups for the warm up. I was tired!  We stretched and then went on to the workout. Our workout was  2 min on the row machine and then a 2 min rest. That was followed by five min of as many reps that you could do of five dead lifts (I did 115#) and 10 lateral box jumps (I just jumped laterally on the floor because of my knees).  We rested for 2 more minutes before the 400m run. I'm not a good runner anyways and after I had done all of those dead lifts I couldn't even feel my legs. I went as fast as I could but by the half way mark I was dragging. I started walking fast and pumping my arms but I knew I couldn't run (well that is what my brain told me anyway). Charles, one of the trainers, came out and walked with me most of the second half. The whole time he was telling me that I was doing great and that most people were still in bed right now--to see how much I had already accomplished this morning. As I got closer to the doors I could hear Mary and Amanda cheering me on and telling me I was doing a good job. No I wasn't first but they don't treat the last person any different than the first!  This is the only place that I have worked out at that has motivation all around. I need that!  Everyone is there to help you!  They want you to do good!  I felt defeated when I started walking today but no one gave up on me!  I have gone to different class times at Crossfit and I have received the same support in every class. I don't know if I will start going to more morning classes but I did feel good after the workout this morning. But, I still hate mornings so we will see (I was so tired that I recorded the wrong amount of weight I did on dead lifts this morning!)!

Hard day

Today was a hard one!  I was already sore from yesterday and I knew today's workout wasn't going to be easy!  We did a 400m warm up run, stretches, and then wall balls!  Then we started the stretches.  I think I am probably the worst at stretches because I have no mobility. Front squats were next and they weren't too bad. Then there was the workout....we did reps of seven front squats and seven burpies for seven minutes. You did as many as you could in that seven minutes!  If you don't what a burpie is, well let's just say that you don't want to find out!  They are used as punishment for when you are late, and that is the reason I am never late for a workout!  It was really hard but I made myself go as hard as I could. It helped that there were people standing there cheering us on the whole time and telling us that we were doing good and not too stop. It was one of the hardest days but it was SO worth the feeling at the end when you know you did all you could do. I am kind of proud of myself tonight!

First day of workout after Elements graduation

Well I took three days off from working out (Friday and the weekend). I felt kind of blah the whole weekend and was looking forward to today's workout. I had had a bad day at work on Friday and I found myself wishing that we had a class that night where I could work off the frustration.  It seems kind of crazy to me that I would want to workout because I have never WANTED to workout my entire life. I was pumped this morning but as the day drug on and I had dinner plans I thought about how easy it would be to just skip this ONE class. But, then I really thought about it and I knew that if I skipped this one it would be even easier for me to convince myself to just skip one more and so on. So, I went to dinner with my friends and left early to go to Crossfit. I am soooo glad I did!  I had a good workout. It was a hard one but I got through it and I felt so much better afterwards!  I did a lot of push ups, body rows, and squats today!  We did snatch lifts and worked on the GHD (or torture machine). I'm already sore, and I love it!!!

Day 7...Elements Class Graduation Day!

I started off the day pretty good, and was kind of pumped for tonights workout. Then I went to the doctor (I has a recheck from being sick a couple of weeks ago),and I was kind of excited about getting on the scale. I hadn't been weighed since the week before I started Crossfit, but I was hoping that I had lost a couple of pounds (or maybe 5). When they weighed me I was shocked...I had only lost one pound!  One pound?! I have been working my butt off for one pound?!  To say the least I was kind of upset.  When the doctor came in I told him what I was doing and he got really excited. When I told him that I had only lost one pound he told me to stay OFF the scales and get a measuring tape if I really wanted to see my progress. He confirmed that the scales would not tell me my progress because they can't tell me how much muscle I was gaining. I felt a lot better leaving his office!
 I  went and picked up my new shoes today too!  They are bright blue and I'm sure they will feel awesome once I can completely break them in!
When I finally got to Crossfit tonight I was a little tired and scared that I wouldn't beat my time from my first night. I was put in the first group to run. I didn't want to go first because I was nervous and wanted to put the exercise off for as long as possible. But, once we started I could tell a difference in how I felt from the first time I had done this same thing. I could actually jog the whole first 200m at a decent pace without stopping!  When I got back from running and started the other parts to the exercise it did seem a little bit harder than I had remembered but I pushed through it. I asked someone what my time was about half way through and they said it was a little over 6 minutes that had passed. At that point I knew I could do it. I finished up the middle part of the exercise and started outside for the final run. But when I started that last part something in my brain told me I couldn't do it and breathing got really hard. I started to walk on the first part of the last 200m. As I was walking I heard someone run up beside me. It was Suzy (she had been put in the first group too so she hadn't been able to cheer for me). She walked with me and talked me through the breathing. When we hit the halfway mark she told me to jog. I told her I couldn't but she told me I could and she believed in me. She jogged with me until she knew I wouldn't stop. As I was finishing I could hear my whole class cheering for me and Travis telling me how great I had done. I finished in 10:17 min!  I almost cut 4 minutes off my time!  I was the slowest one in my class but you would have never known it by all the cheering that everyone was doing for me. You would have thought I was winning the race!  This experience just reminded me again of why I started with Crossfit. No one is a loser. The last person is just as important as the first. This was an awesome night!

Day 6...a good day!

It was a good day at Crossfit!  I was tired but I decided I wasn't going to give up!  Usually I would have been down because my knee started hurting in the 400m warm up run, but for some reason I didn't care that much today. I got in from the run and did these worm crawls. I was ok at the ones where you got to have your legs apart but the I struggled with the straight leg ones. It's ok though...I'll get it eventually. Then we worked on the rowing machines. That is a workout!  But, my knee didn't hurt and I could feel my muscles in my stomach, legs, and hips working. I rowed 1000m, it wasn't easy, but I did it!  I'm kind of excited about tomorrow because we will do the same timed event that we did on the first day of the Elements Class.  I'm not excited about the exercises that it involves, but I am excited to see if I have made progress!  I'm going to bed where I can rest up for tomorrow!

Day five...a better day

Today was a better day. I started by jogging the 200m warm up (no walking-I jogged the entire way!). Today was the first day that I had been able to do that!  For those of you that don't think that is very far, understand that I am in NO way any type of runner. This was a good way to start the workout. The workout was pretty tough, but my mental state was much better today. When I couldn't do the jump roping (my knee can't take that right now) I did some extra wall balls instead. Oh yeah...wall balls are HARD!  We learned the techniques for climbing the rope. I couldn't even lift myself high enough to try. That's ok, I'll get there. I felt good about today and I'm excited about tomorrow!

Start to the second week...hard day

This was not how I wanted to start the second week!  I was drained by a long and bad day at work. I made myself show up for class about 20 min early because I knew if I sat down for just one min at my house I wouldn't go to workout. I think I had probably my worst run yet in the warm up (I was out of breath and my knee hurt). I stretched and then started the workout (pushups, squats, and thrust kettle bell swings--3 reps of 10 each). Half way through the second rep of kettle bell swings I found myself wanting to cheat. For a second I thought about stopping but then I realized what I would be doing. I would be wasting the money I spent on this training and ultimately cheating myself out of what I want and NEED. I would be giving up on myself. Giving up on the idea that my life could be longer and better!  And, even though it hurt like hell, I finished out my reps. I thought that I had overcome this mental weakness of wanting to quit until we got to the next exercise. We did some weight lifting and then did sit ups. The sit ups were very challenging and eye opening to me. We had to lay on the ground with our legs in a butterfly stretch position, arms stretched out over our heads, and sit up to touch our toes. Needless to say I wasn't great at this and there were times when I laid there thinking I didn't have to do all of them!  I did skip out on a few of them. I was frustrated that my body wouldn't do what I wanted and needed it to do. I was frustrated that I had let my body get in the shape that it is in at this point. It was a frustrating day for me, but I think I learned that I always have to just keep looking forward to what I want for my future and not dwell on what I haven't done for my body in the past.

First week review

I felt really good after the first week. My muscles were sore, and that was a good thing!  I took Friday and Saturday off. Sunday I did a short 25 minute workout (200m run, 30 squats, and 20 pushups). I just didn't want my body to go into complete shock when I started back on Monday. I have noticed that I have been so tired at night that I fall asleep with the tv on and my glasses still on my head!  I consider this a good thing bc I'm so tired that I actually sleep through the night (which is not a normal thing for me)!

Day 3 continued

So I went to get new shoes but my foot is too wide so I had to order some and they will come in next week. BIG BUMMER!!!  I was feeling ok about the workout tonight, and even a little excited, until the day kept dragging on and I just wanted to come home, lay on my couch, and watch tv. I know it has only been 2 days but I mean I'm lazy!  I went from laying on my couch all the time to doing some of the toughest workouts around!  I seriously thought about how I could get out of it and just go home after work. Then I started thinking about how mad I would be at myself later and I went back and looked at my goals. The first goal always gets me (I know many of you think that is silly but it really is something that I long for) so I got in my car and went to workout. I am so glad I did!  Even though this was only my third workout I could tell that it was easier!  The 200 meter warm up run wasn't nearly as bad as the first day!  The workout itself was challenging but I felt so good afterward. Travis said I was doing a great job, and I feel like I'm doing good!  I finished my first week of Crossfit and I'm excited about the things to come. They will be hard but it will be worth it in the end (and I'm enjoying the journey)!  Good night!  This girl is tired, but feeling very accomplished!

Day 3

I woke up this morning and I am so sore!!  It is a good hurt and I realized that I my mobility is actually better than usual.  I didn't go to the morning workout because I cannot do one more workout in these horrible shoes!  I'm going to get new shoes this afternoon and PM workout here I come!!

Day 2

I decided to go to the 6:15am workout today bc I have an appt with the chiro this afternoon. I am sooo not a morning person! I woke up and in the first step I took I felt pain!  My right foot is killing me, but I think that is just bc I need new shoes!  Our warm up this morning was a 400 meter run. Ok so I thought I was really going to die!  I thought this was supposed to get easier as you went along!  We stretched and then started with 2 reps of 12 walking lunges and squats while lifting the cow bell weights. Then we started to learn the forms for dead lifting and a couple of more lifts. I didn't die and I am going to get new shoes tomorrow!

First Day of Crossfit

I was sooo stressed out about my first workout!  I am so out of shape and I was sure that I would never make it through the full session!  I got there and met the rest of the members of my "elements" class. There were three high school girls, three guys, and a middle aged lady (all of which looked like they were in much better shape than I have been in a very long time). Our warm up was a 200 meter run, stretching, and then a few reps of squats, pushups, and these pull up things. I mean the warm up was more like a complete exercise for me!  Then we did the first timed workout. We were paired up with a partner (and I got the best cheerleader possible ---the middle aged woman named Suzy)!  I was in the first group with all of the guys (so I knew that I was going to get smoked in this challenge). We had to run 200 meters, do reps of the squats, push ups, and modified pull ups (15, 12, and 9) and then run another 200 meters to the finish. Travis, our coach, said that we would all be done in less than 30 minutes!  I thought he was crazy!  So we started the event and I was WAY behind in the running (I really hate running). We got back to the building and started our reps. I thought I was going to die!  But the thing that kept me going was Suzy and Travis saying how great I was doing all along the way. I was doing pushups and I could hear my guy friend yelling how awesome I was doing (all if this and I knew that I was slower than everyone else in my group).  They were yelling for me like I was their favorite pro athlete!  It was awesome!  At one point in my reps of 12, when I'm sure I looked like I was going to die, Travis leaned over and told me to go at my own pace and that I was doing great AND we were only 8 min and 32 secs into timing!  I looked over at him in the middle of my pushup and asked if he was serious ( bc it felt like it had been at least 30 min since I had started!). I ended up finishing with a 14:03 time (which was the slowest in my class),  but I felt like I had accomplished something amazing. I did something that I never thought I would be able to do!  I love the family atmosphere!  Everyone is always encouraging the people around them!  I went in thinking this might be my only day at Crossfit and I came out feeling like I could do pretty much anything!

My goals!

So after I made the decision to try Crossfit I started thinking about all the things I wanted to do when I lost weight and was healthier. First, and I know this might sound silly to most of you, but I want to be able to cross my legs!  It isn't always the big things in life that can make the difference...I just want to be able to sit in a chair and cross my legs like most people can!  Second, I want to be able to go to a doctor without everything being wrong just because I'm fat. I want to be able to walk down the street and hold a conversation without being out of breath. I don't want to be looked at like I'm lazy because I'm overweight. I want to be able to go to the doctor and let him tell me that I don't have a fatty liver anymore and that I will never need a transplant. If I ever have the joy of getting pregnant I want to be one of those cute pregnant women. I want to not be limited in everything I do by my size (from riding on a plane to riding a horse). I want to be able to see my nieces grow up and be their favorite aunt.
Ok, so you can tell I have a lot of goals!  This is just to keep some perspective when I'm having a hard time wanting to work out or just a bad day!

Deciding to Take the First Step

Even though I was always active in sports all the way through high school, I was always a large girl.  But, over the past 5 years my weight has just gotten out of control!    I acted like I didn't care that I was so much bigger than most people but it really did bother me (still does). Last week I was laying on my couch and started to think about how there was nothing I could do about it and I was just going to die fat. On Friday of last week one of my guy friends started fb messaging me about ordering Scentsy (I'm a consultant) and in the course of conversation we started talking about Crossfit. I had heard about it bc I have other friends that are in it, but it always seemed so intense and cultish to me. My friend proceeded to tell me about how the program had changed his life. He was really passionate about it and it made me start thinking about it. I prayed about it and asked God to show me a way to pay for the program if it was something I was capable of doing. Two days later I got my answer when the funds came in the form of cash from someone who had owed me money. God is pretty amazing!