A lot of people have been asking me for pictures of what I look like now. I have been really hesitant to take pictures just because I have never really liked pictures of myself. To satisfy my friends and family that live out of town I broke down and took a few pictures. I posted the one of me in the bridesmaid dress and the one below on Facebook, so everyone could see. I got a lot of really sweet comments on both pictures, but, to be honest, I wasn't really impressed with them. When I got to Crossfit last night Travis said he liked the pictures. I told him thank you, but I think he could tell by my face that I wasn't impressed. He asked me an odd question. He asked if I could tell the difference. The answer I gave him might seem crazy to a lot of you. I told him "Not really." He looked at me and said that was what he thought I was going to say. He then asked me how long I had been overweight. When I told him all of my life (even when I played soccer) he just gave me a look. He said what I have been thinking for a while now. He told me it was going to be hard for me to see the changes in myself. He also said that this was going to take a while for my mind to realize how my body has changed. I agreed with him and told him I thought it was probably going to be a long time for me to wrap my head around all of this change. Then he told me that one day it will happen. I will walk by a mirror, see a picture of myself, or something like this and will realize that I am completely different on the outside!
It is a mental thing. When I look in the mirror I just see the same old Emily, as I have always been. I hope this does happen for me because I want to COMPLETELY enjoy the fruits of my labor, but I don't think it will happen in the near future. When you have lived in an obese body for so long it is very hard to grasp that you could actually be smaller, that pictures won't make you sad because you are the largest person in them, that you don't always have to go to the Plus Size section in the clothing store, etc. Don't get me wrong, I can obviously tell that I am wearing smaller clothes, that the scale has a smaller number on it, and that I have a lot more energy and feel better, but I just can't tell the difference when I look in the mirror yet. It will change one day, and I might pass out from joy when it happens. Until then I will keep track of my journey with pictures just to show everyone how far I have come, and so that when that day does come that my mind catches up with my body I will be able to fully understand how far I have come too.
I don't really like this picture, but was the best out of like 6 that were taken.
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