Fighting through the mentally hard stuff

Last week was not my finest.  I didn't finish the workout on Monday, walked out on Tuesday, and skipped on Wednesday.  Yes, I skipped a workout, and I was really mad at myself because that is the first time I have been in town and just didn't go.  I went on Thursday and warmed up but didn't actually workout.  I have been in a funk and just haven't been able to completely get out of it.  I haven't been sleeping well and there has just been a lot going on in my life.  I was just tired of always crying when I went to workout.  I wasn't crying because I was in pain.  I was crying because I was disappointed in how I was doing and felt like I should be able to do more. 
Things did change a little bit on Friday though. We just started the Crossfit Open last week and we had gotten the first WOD on Thursday.  I didn't do the workout on Thursday with most of the other people, and I wasn't really sure I was going to even participate in the Open (even though I had signed up).  Friday I went in for open gym, but I wasn't really sure I was going to workout. Stephanie was there and was going to do the WOD for the Open.  I told her I would do it just to practice where she wouldn't be doing it alone.  The WOD was 40 burpees, 30 45# snatches, 30 burpees, 30 75# snatches, 20 burpees, 30 100# snatches, 10 burpees, and then as many as possible of 120# snatches until 17 minutes was up.  I got 10 burpees into the workout and decided it just wasn't worth it that night.  Luckily one of the guys in my regular class, Mark, was there and told me I wasn't going to quit.  He stood there and counted all of my burpees and snatches for me.  When I got done I was actually kind of happy with how I did.  I really hate burpees and that was the part that really slowed me down, but I knew that was going to be the hardest part for me going into it.  I got through 21 of the 75# snatches (I would have scored a 121 that night if I had been judged).  I'm really glad Mark wouldn't let me quit that night because after I got done I was kind of pumped about how I might be able to do better on Sunday (when I would actually be judged).
I got to the box early on Sunday to cheer on the people that were going before me.  The closer it got to my time the more nervous I became.  What if I didn't beat my score from Friday?  What if I couldn't get through all of those burpees?  I was one of the last people to go that day, and I was so glad that some people stayed to watch and cheer me on.  My friend Dusti, who doesn't even Crossfit at our box, came to support me!!  The first 10 burpees weren't that bad, but after that I could feel the soreness in my muscles and knew I was getting tired.  I finally got through the first 40 burpees and headed to do the lifts.  I did the lifts in sets of 10 and then it was back to burpees.  I was really tired at this point and wasn't really sure I would actually make it through 30 more burpees.  The only thing that kept me going were the people around me cheering for me.  I could hear Dusti reminding me to breathe and telling me that I COULD do this.  At one point Travis had to smack me on the butt with his clipboard to get me to actually complete the burpee.  Jessie and Allison were there telling me how great I was doing.  I finally made it through the burpees and went back to the lifts.  This should have been the easy part for me but I was really tired.  I did about 5 snatches and put the bar down.  I was trying to them touch and go but I could only get in about 2 at a time.  I made it to about 24 and really thought I couldn't do anymore.  Morgan, who was judging me, came across the bar and told me to PICK UP THE BAR (she kind of yelled it lol).  She startled me enough that it reminded me of what I had told myself before I started the workout.  I had told myself to do whatever I could during the workout as hard as I could because I didn't want to have any regrets when it was over.  I wanted to leave it all in the workout and know there was nothing I could have done better!  I went back over and picked up the bar!  I ended up doing 4 more snatches before time was called.  I finished with a score of 129!!  I really couldn't have been happier with my score. No, it was not a score that would get me to regionals and no, it was not the best score in our box, but I beat my 121 from Friday and I got further than I really ever thought I would have!  It meant so much to me that there were about 8 people that were standing there the entire time just to support me.  They actually believed I could do this, even when I thought I was too tired.  It was such an amazing feeling to have those people around and to do the best I could in that workout.

                          This is a picture of the sweat angel that I made on the floor after the workout.


I was so happy with how things went Sunday that when I looked at the WOD for Monday I wasn't scared even though it had box jumps in it.  It was 21, 15, and 9 of box jumps, push presses (75#), and toes to bar (knees to elbows).  I started out with just the 12 inch box with a 45# plate on top.  It took me about 15 seconds to get going because I was hesitating with that first jump.  I got through the first round and added a 25# plate to the box jump too.  I was amazed that I could actually jump that high!!  I ended up finishing in 13:33.  Not the fastest time but I was so excited that I had jumped higher than I had ever done before.  I made Travis measure it to see exactly how high it was.  It was 17 inches!!! I was really happy with how I did!!