Struggles

I haven't posted very much lately because I have been so busy. There have been some good days but there have been a lot of not so good days. My mind and body have been on two completely different pages most of the time. Either my mind thinks I can do something and my body says NO or my mind just tells my body that it can't do something it is fully capable of doing. Last week I hit a pretty big brick wall mentally. There was a WOD that I wasn't even worried about until I got to the box and we started going over how to scale it to what you could do. The regular WOD had handstand push-ups in it and to scale it you either did a hand stand or wall climb. I can't do either one of the scaled things so I would have to do push ups AGAIN!  I mentally just broke because I felt like at this point I should be able to at LEAST do the scaled version of a WOD!  I couldn't even do the regular weights in the lifts for that WOD! I tried to leave because I was just so frustrated but Travis wouldn't let me and I just worked on form and mobility. It was a complete mind and pride thing because I was tired of just doing push-ups when people who started Crossfit after me were already doing handstand push-ups and if I couldn't even lift the weight (which is what I'm usually good at), then what was the point?!  It took a couple of days and a lot talking but I got over that and had a few good days this week. On Monday we did a WOD with deadlifts and handstand push-ups. I told myself before I got to the box that even if I just had to do push-ups in the WOD I would still do it and not be upset about it. I actually did really well in that workout and was happy about it. I have struggled through some of the other WOD's this week that included lifts because I haven't had the right form and it has kept me from bring able to go up in weight. I've been working on my form during and after class and I actually think it is getting a little bit better.
Tonight was a complete mess though!  My knees and back have been hurting for about two weeks now. I haven't really said anything because I didn't want people to think I was being a baby. Tonight was the worst night in a very long time for my knees and back!  After we ran the first 800m of the warmup I put the first dose of Biofreeze on both knees. I ran the last 800m of the warmup and had to put another thing of Biofreeze on them. When it came time for the actual WOD my knees and back were done. I did the first 300 jump ropes and just dealt with the pain. My back hurt all the way through the sit-ups but I dealt with that too. But, when I got to the set of 225 jump ropes I said enough was enough!  Every bounce hurt and at that point my mind AND my body just said that I was done. I wasn't happy about it. I was crying. Chad nor Travis were happy about it either. I was going to leave when Travis came and got me and told me I couldn't quit. I told him there was NO way I was finishing that WOD today !  He told me I couldn't just quit and he was setting up a rower for me. I rowed 400m and then left. I know Travis and Chad have to be frustrated with me because I am SUPER frustrated with myself!  I feel like they think I'm just a baby and a quitter. They would deny it  but I would think that if I were them. Tonight my mind was really ok with the WOD until the sit-ups but after that my body and mind just gave up!  I'm just tired of being so damn frustrated with my mind and my body. I need them to get on the same page sometime really soon!